Myth

No doubt this article has raised curiosity, and even outrage in some. Ask any Christian woman what Scripture teaches how to be a godly woman and the majority will reference Proverbs 31. This passage is preached from pulpits, taught at women’s retreats and Bible studies, printed on bookmarks to be passed out on Mother’s Day to instruct women on how to be a godly wife, and mother. However, there is a problem with using this passage as a model for Christian woman. But before I get into that, I need to clarify that this article is not intended to say anything negative about the Proverbs 31 woman. For she is an exemplary model of virtue, and like the Scripture says, “she is to be praised”. I take nothing from her for that, for there is none better. But stick with me as we go through the Scriptures and I believe you will agree that as far as a model of a Christian woman, the Proverbs 31 woman falls surprisingly short.

If I asked what your definition is of a godly woman, what would you say? That question has caused women to stammer as they struggle to put the idea into words. This happens when one considers the question from a human viewpoint. Often, we point out a godly woman in church or our circle of friends, not knowing exactly why we chose them. If pressed, we stammer again and come up with something like – she’s a great Bible study leader or the wife of a pastor or deacon. Often, we choose a woman who is involved in church service, a prayer warrior, or has well behaved children. They are often kind, soft spoken, well mannered, and gracious. But from a divine viewpoint, is this a true definition of a godly woman? If you don’t have a solid definition of a godly woman (or man) then this message is for you as we turn to Scripture for the answer.

To define a godly woman in its simplest term would be to say godly means to be God like. Not in the sense we are God or desire to be God, but in the sense that we desire to exemplify the characteristics of God, specifically Christ. During His ministry on earth, Christ gave us the perfect example of how to be godly, in fact, Scripture commands us to become like Him...

Let your attitude be like that of Christ Jesus - Philippians 2:5

For I gave you an example that you should do as I do - John 13:15

With that said, this begs the question, “What does it mean to be Christ like?” The example of the life of Christ along with Paul’s letters to the church will give us an understanding of what it means to be godly. Christ walked on water, healed the sick, and fed the hungry. Is that the example we are to follow? Christ gave up His work as a carpenter, gathered disciples around Him and began a wandering ministry of spreading the Gospel. Christ willingly died on the cross for our sins. Is this the example we are to follow? Obviously not.

So, what is the example Christ left for us to follow? The answer is found in the New Testament. But many times, well-meaning teachers mislead students because they lack a fundamental knowledge of Scripture. The challenge and responsibility of a true Bible student is to discern if what the teacher is teaching lines up with Scripture. If you, like so many women, have been in a Proverbs 31 Bible study and struggle with its content because you beat yourself up trying to keep up with this talented woman, well then, welcome to the family!

I have crossed paths with many women who, in confidence, have admitted they resent the Proverbs 31 women. They resent her standard that is higher than they can or even want to achieve. Of course, teachers today teach the depiction of the Proverbs 31 women in view of current culture. No teacher of Proverbs 31 teaches that we are to plant a vineyard or sew our own clothes but rather they pull out the main attributes of the woman’s character for us to follow.

Proverbs 31:16 says “she considers a field and buys it, and out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. Current teachers teach that planting a vineyard speaks of the woman as being industrious and so we are taught to be industrious too.

Proverbs 31:14 says, “She is like a merchant ship bringing her food from afar.” The modern teaching on this verse teaches we are to be frugal and look for good deals on our purchases. Which, although wise, neither one is a standard of a godly woman.

Proverbs 31:22 says, “She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.” We are not taught to make our own sheets and blankets and dress only in clothes of purple linen. Instead, the teacher draws out the characteristic of a women not only making her bed every morning, but to make it inviting, and her clothes should be of good quality and modest.

Although the conclusions that are drawn from the Proverbs 31 woman speak of her virtuous character, are they, in fact, godly? Does being industrious, frugal, or modest or any of the other virtues in Proverbs 31 define a godly woman?

Read Proverbs 31:10-31. Even if you are familiar with it, please read it again and focus on the details of the woman in this passage. Now let’s explore this passage together and see for ourselves if she is an example for Christian woman.

In order to understand this passage accurately, we must first look at the context in which it was written. Context is one of the first rules of hermeneutics in interpreting Scripture. Hermeneutics simply means “The science of the theory and method of interpreting scripture”. When you have finished reading this article, I challenge you to consider researching and studying the rules of hermeneutics so that you can discern for yourself if what you are being taught lines up with Scripture.

So, let’s look at the context of Proverbs 31. The first thing we must ask is:

1. Who is the author?

2. When was it written?

3. Who is it written to?

Who is the author and when was it written - One of the easiest ways to find the answer is to look at the title page of Proverbs. It is believed Proverbs was written in the 10th Century BC primarily by King Solomon, Israel’s third king who was the son of King David. Although other authors are found in Proverbs, it is believed Solomon wrote the majority of these as backed by 1Kings 4:33.

Read 1Kings 4:29-34 to get a picture of the great wisdom God gave Solomon. If you are not familiar with the way Solomon acquired his wisdom, read 1Kings 3:3-15. Don’t skip this as it gives you an understanding of the foundation of Proverbs 31.

Who was it written to - We know that Proverbs was written primarily by Solomon. However, Proverbs 31:1 says that this specific passage was written by King Lemuel. The sayings of King Lemuel – an oracle his mother taught him. It is believed by many that King Lemuel was another name of King Solomon because the name “Lemuel” means Devoted to El or God, as “El” means God. It is believed by many scholars that this “oracle” came from King Solomon’s mother, Bathsheba, in an effort to correct the king’s excessive indulgence of women. Whether King Solomon is King Lemuel makes no difference with respect to our study (What is important is that the oracle came from the king’s mother to correct the king’s intemperance with women).

1 Kings 11:3 says King Solomon had over 300 wives of royal birth and 300 concubines. So it is understandable why so many believe this to be from King Solomon’s mother, as she would have good cause to do so. King Solomon began his reign rightly, but as happens to so many who acquire great wealth and power, King Solomon strayed from God as Scripture says that his foreign wives led him astray. The book of Ecclesiastics is King Solomon’s lamenting over this and his ultimate return to God from seeking worldly pleasures.

The first verses of Proverbs 31 are warnings his mother gave him regarding not only women but alcohol as well, knowing her son was indulgent with both. These warnings led her to describe for the king the definition of a virtuous wife, in an effort to encourage him to seek a wife of noble character as opposed to beauty alone. Proverbs 31:10-31 describes that woman.

In my Bible this passage is set apart from the rest of the chapter by a heading that says: Portrait of a Virtuous Wife. Yours may say something similar or it may have no heading at all. But what I want to focus on is the word “virtue” as this is the word often used to describe the Proverbs 31 woman. Another word used to describe the Proverbs 31 woman is found in verse 10 “noble”. We see that this woman is of noble character and verses 10-31 define for us what that noble character looks like. And here is where most of us stumble and the reason we struggle with this passage.

Many women and well-meaning teachers draw the conclusion from the author’s words that if we want to be the woman God wants us to be then we need to be noble and virtuous as defined in this passage. Did anyone ever ask where the passage is on a virtuous and noble man? Where is his bookmark on Father’s Day? There isn’t any. And since the definition of godly is the same for both the man and woman, how can this passage apply to godliness when it clearly addresses only woman?

So, what is the problem you ask? Why would women who desire to be godly not use this passage as our example? The answer is three-fold.

1. First, we learned about context and to ask, "when was the passage written and to whom was it written?" Since we find Proverbs in the Old Testament, it is obvious it was written before the Church began (which began at Pentecost, circa 30AD) and therefore was not written to Christians but specifically to the Jews during the Age of Israel. Although the Proverbs 31 woman exemplifies virtuous characteristics that Christian women should pay attention to, they are not in fact, our example of godliness, nor what God requires of a Christian.

2.The second reason is because it falls short of what God requires of us. God did not call women, or men for that matter, to be virtuous or noble. He called us to be HOLY. Now before you say, “but wait!” let me explain. Being a virtuous and noble woman is a good thing to possess, but it is not holy. Never once did God say “be virtuous for I am virtuous” …even though God is virtue. Never once did God say, “be noble for I am noble” but on the contrary, there are over 10 verses, in both the Old and New Testament, where God commands us: Be holy for I am holy.

Being a godly woman is not about being virtuous or noble but about being holy. Where many people get confused is in the fact that although being virtuous and noble is good, it is not holy. And the proof of this statement is in the next answer.

3.The third answer is one that requires some thought and an understanding of holiness. By definition, an unbeliever can never by holy because the definition of holiness is “to be set apart unto God” and unbelievers, no matter how virtuous or noble can never be “set apart unto God”. An unbeliever can, however, be both virtuous and noble, and in many cases do so better than believers! It’s simply a matter of how they choose to live their life. Both believer and unbeliever can be virtuous and noble, but unbelievers can never be holy. So simply put - if an unbeliever can do it, by definition, it cannot be defined as holy.

So, to use Proverbs 31 as an example of a godly woman causes women to fall short of godliness because an unbelieving woman can achieve this same standard. I am not saying this standard is not good, because, in fact, it is. But make no mistake - it is not holy. The author of Proverbs 31 was not setting the standard of a holy or godly woman but, in context, she was setting the standard of a virtuous wife…for the king to use as a guide in seeking a wife of noble character. That wife of noble character can be both a believer or unbeliever based on the standards it set forth.

In addition, the author was specifically addressing the standard of a virtuous wife. She was not generalizing or applying this standard to all women as all women are not wives. And yet, many interpret this passage of scripture to be the godly standard of all women, regardless age, marital status, or if they are even a mother! So, if a woman is not married and has no children, she is not able to accomplish the duties of verses 11, 23, or 28. Does this mean she cannot be godly? Of course not! Because godliness has nothing to do with the standard presented, but most importantly, and please hear me loud and clear…godliness has nothing to do with works!

My goodness! No wonder so many women stress about this passage and cringe every Mother’s Day when it is preached, printed, and paraded everywhere! If you want to be a virtuous and noble woman, by all means study the Proverbs 31 woman! What is sad though, is when all our time is spent on being virtuous, we fail to be godly simply out of ignorance. I believe the reason so many women resent the Proverbs 31 woman is because its standard is all about works, and difficult works at that! Let’s get this straight, right here, right now. Godliness has nothing to do with works!

In my website, we explore the Scriptures and uncover what it means to be holy. No longer do you need to stress about the things you think you must achieve to be godly. Godliness has nothing to do with our effort to be virtuous or noble, rather it has to do with the work of the Holy Spirit in us. In the course you will learn what that work of the Holy Spirit is and the offer that God gives us to become pleasing in His sight.

Do you want to hear the good news? You will find that the true meaning of godliness is easier to achieve than the standard set in Proverbs 31 and supports what Jesus said…

Definition

Context

Misused Context